Filed under: Christian Living, Counseling, Discipleship, Friends, Lessons Learned, Life
I saw a lot of guilt and bitterness both in my own life and in the lives of others last semester, that stemmed from not believing God’s sovereignty. Many of us will say that God is sovereign, but then turn around and say things like, “I know this is beyond my control, but I want there to be something I can do to change this so it doesn’t hurt so and so.” “I’m ruining everything.” “So and so doesn’t know what their sinning against me has cost me. I’m not ready to forgive him yet. He is going to have to earn my trust back.”
Let me clue you in on something. The sovereignty of God means that you or I can’t bring anything into each other’s lives that God does not orchestrate. Stop feeling guilt about not being good enough for that friend or spouse. Stop moping about how your difficulty has affected another when it was something beyond your control. Stop accusing others of harming you or bringing you more than you can bear. Those claims are actually accusing the Lord of not being good. It is accusing Him of being unkind to the person who you have affected or of his unkindness in allowing you to be hurt by another. Instead, we can be certain that nothing comes our way that is not loving and divinely orchestrated. That’s good news! That includes break-ups, financial struggles, limitations, sins, and the whole gammet.
Yes, that boy may have been insensitive. Yes, your illness may have come at some cost to your roommate. Yes, your moving away brings great sorrow to those who love you. Yes, that teacher is harder than the others and yes, his B may have cost you a scholarship… this trial was dealt to you by the hand of God. Take it as such and rejoice. Rejoice at seeing your heart. If you didn’t sin in response to this trial, rejoice at seeing the Spirit at work in you. If you are suffering and not sinning, rejoice at coming to know the Lord more fully. Rejoice at sharing in his suffering. Rejoice at your need for Christ. Rejoice at your opportunity to not only model Christ’s response but to help that other believer that wronged you look more like Christ too.
Let the sovereignty of God cure you of moping and bitterness and instead be replaced with rejoicing and loving service to God and others.
Filed under: Community, Cool Finds, Family, Friends, FUN!, Life, These are a few of my favorite things...
My cousin recently commented on the fact that I must be busy because I haven’t posted much recently. Indeed I have been. I went from caring for 88 college kids to hanging out with a bunch of munchkins. Friday the 16th the students checked out at 5pm and I checked into the Keller Day Spa er I mean Day Care at 5:30pm for a few days. My friend Heidi just had her fourth baby, so while she and her husband were in the hospital, I was home with the three boys ages 8,5, & 3. We had a lot of fun, but I discovered I am not cut out to be a single mom :).
I’ve also had time over the break to hang with my friend Laura’s son, Garrett, my nephews, Sean and David, my nieces, Katie and Isabella, and a few other kiddos. In a few days I also hope to meet my friend Sarah’s daughter Gigi.
Kid’s never-ending battery supply always surprise me but also enthuse me. It also amazes me how it is the unplanned and unpurchased kind of fun that they love best. The Keller boys preferred building a river and dams in the gutter to the playplace at McDonalds (although all kids do like McDonalds) and Garrett kept saying “Jen, boom,” interpreted to mean “Let’s wrestle or how about you throw me around.” He was also content to just tell me to sit and watch him play only he can’t say “s” and instead says “sh”. These aren’t fantastic pictures since most of them are from my phone and are pictures of kiddos on the move, but this is what I’ve been up to recently.
Filed under: Books, Christian Living, Community, Counseling, Good Advice, Lessons Learned, Lessons Learned from Reading, Life, work
Usually when things feel urgent, it is because you have pressure from someone else making you think it is urgent. I have learned sometimes it is better to miss that phone call as an Admin Assistant. The student, parent, or coworker learns to rely on the Lord and after not reaching someone immediately, by the time I get back to them it isn’t such a crisis. John 11 “Let us go back to Judea … Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” He waited two days. Others thought it was urgent, but he was more concerned with God’s glory, their sanctification, and being a faithful servant than meeting their urgent demands.
Not only is it for the other person’s benefit that I don’t always take their phone call or meet their urgent demand, but it is also for my good and God’s glory. I am a human. I am finite. I am not God. I need sleep and nourishment. I have limited time and resources. I need to be faithful to not confuse myself as the Infinite, Limitless One. I need to be faithful to do the mission He has sent me on and not to take over the Kingdom. Faithfulness each day looks different. I need to be faithful with the task I have been given by the Lord. I need to be wise about using Kingdom Resources. I can’t dilly dally or waste time doing what every citizen of the kingdom or of another land wishes me to do. “Non Important – Urgent. Although unimportant, these activities in the guise of urgency conjure up an illusion that they are of value to us. They include interruptions of many kinds: some phone calls, meetings, visitors, requests for information. They can keep us busy for hours meeting other people’s expectations.” (37)
“Jesus did not meet all the human needs he encountered – many urgently desired by family and friends, and by others along his path. But he completed the mission his Father gave him” (Tyranny of the Urgent, 23). If Jesus didn’t meet everyone’s demands or stated needs then why should we think we can? We need to be faithful. They need to encounter a Savior often and not us.
Filed under: Christian Living, Lessons Learned, Lessons Learned from Reading, Life, My life, Vocation, work
Months ago, I read through Freedom from Tyranny of the Urgent, typed up the following quotes and coined the title of this post:
“… busyness provides status in our society. People expect us to be busy, even overworked. Setting aside our own tasks to help others meet a deadline or crisis makes us appreciated, popular. In the activity we gain a sense of security.” (62)
“Today we are increasing our speed in most dimensions of life – yet we have a decreasing sense of direction and goals. Movement seems to be an end in itself, stifling questions of who we are and where we are going” (68).
“An arch-enemy of leisure, as well as of our daily devotions, is the modern cult of busyness. Society encourages us to define ourselves in terms of our possessions and our reputation. The pursuit of both can keep us busy for all our waking hours, spurred by an activism that is never satisfied” (124).
“Leisure offers a unique opportunity to place greater emphasis on making a life, not just a living. It enables us to ‘stop, look and listen’ to the question of who we are and what is most important to us. It should not be a time to evaluate work goals but to explore other dimensions fo our life, to think in terms of our total person. It is an occasion to bring our life into better balance as we manage it under the lordship of Jesus Christ” (125).
I’m still thinking through this one and need to consider this more. Switching jobs has helped me recognize that this is more of a problem in my life than I had previously thought. One question I’ve been asking of myself lately is, “Why does every job I take on become supersized?” It’s not healthy and it’s not helpful to the institution or the individual who replaces me. I realize that I always take on jobs that I love and that are worth pouring my life out for, but where is my motivation? How often do I see myself as a mini-messiah? How often do I take the weight of the world on my shoulders, try to juggle all the spinning plates, and try to hold all the loose strings all at the same time? How often am I motivated by impressing people rather than serving people? How often do I work for their pleasure and comfort rather than their sanctification and God’s glory? How often is my day ordered by what others think rather than on what faithfulness to God looks like for that day?
I do not clock in or out of my job. My job is working with and loving people. In my job, I have a platform to see God at work in many people’s lives. With this awesome job comes a few dangers, a person can start to think of himself too highly. I need to remember that I am replaceable. The ministry will go on when I leave. I need to remember that this isn’t my only calling. God has called me into relationships outside of the college. He has placed me as a daughter, a sister, an aunt. He has given me friends. He has called me to the local church. I need to remember that while this is a good calling, I can’t place my hope in it. God called me first and foremost to Himself. I can’t be devoted to a job. I can’t seek comfort, peace, strength, deliverance or anything else that He was meant to provide from a job. I can’t lower my hope from the person of Christ to anything else even a good thing like ministry or service or else I will be sorely disappointed or devastated. I’ve been advised to take opportunities to get off campus and to surround myself with people that won’t let me take myself too seriously. I need to laugh and sometimes I need to not be available. I need to not jump at every knock, text, or phone call. I need to be careful to understand what the college is asking of me and what things I’m chosing to do. I need to spend time doing what matters and doing what is most helpful to the ministry not ironing things on shirts for six hours so we look good at the Matthew’s Bowl.
I’m still working through some of these questions and thoughts. I welcome any feedback or input. For another good resource on considering how busy we are and some of the heart implications, click here.
Filed under: Good Advice, Lessons Learned, Life, My life, tmc, Vocation, work
I hope y’all don’t mind. I’m going through my drafts section and re-writing posts. Some of these thoughts may be outdated and some may be updated (or more developed). Some of them may seem strange (like this one) since I just changed jobs and it has nothing to do with this season of my life , but these are lessons God has been teaching me or has taught me that I want to take the time to record.
I’ve been challenged a lot over the last two years to think about vocation and calling. (Mostly because I’m at TMC and we talk about that a lot, but also because I was in a job that didn’t come naturally to me. I would despair at times thinking I had missed God’s call for my life.) I forgot to realize that Jesus started his ministry in his 30s, why should I expect to have a flourishing ministry or vocation at 27? Jesus didn’t waste His life. I wasn’t wasting my life away. I was being faithful to what God had called me to for that season. I wasn’t wasting my talents even though not every one of my gifts were being used in my 9-5 job. Why do we think as 20-somethings that we have to have a job that uses all of our strengths? Why do we demand that we have a job that we absolutely love right now?
I also would spend time in my last job worrying that I was not changing or growing. I thought, “I need to be in that job to really flourish or grow.” I waisted my time in doubt instead of by faith grasping God’s promises and trusting His Sovereignty. God was in the process of changing me and preparing me. It’s crazy awesome how I can look back at the last 8 years and see the Spirit faithfully leading, guiding, and teaching me so that He could get me where I need to be. The Spirit’s guidance is discernible in hindsight but not in the moment, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t at work. He is so faithful even when I am faithless. Although I had times in my last job where I felt stagnate, it was amazing to start interviewing for my new job and to be reminded in conversations with my coworkers that I wasn’t what I was when I came here three years ago and that I’m not what I will be in a month. God is at work when we don’t see it and He knows what He is doing. My boss (who is now my bosses’ boss – yes, that means in corporate terms I moved down the chain :) ) said to me in the interview process, “A year ago, I would have said you shouldn’t apply. Now, I’m eager to see what God does in the process.” Another coworker while remarking about how she had seen me change said, “Who get’s to grow in those ways in a secretary job!!!!?”
About the same time that I was thinking through my expectations for having a job that was a perfect fit or that I was wasting my life if I wasn’t changing the world at 27 , Gunner wrote a post called “Life is Short … So Don’t Waste It?” which was very helpful and thoughtful (I would expect nothing less from Gunner). I hope it is helpful to you too.
Filed under: Books, Christian Living, Community, Cool Finds, Good Advice, Lessons Learned from Reading, Life, tmc, work
This summer all of our Servant Leadership Staff (student leaders) and all of our full-time staff are reading Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders. Apart from the fact that the book falls a part, I whole-heartedly recommend it. The cover doesn’t matter, the material does :).
I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned in the process:
1. Leaders are tired. I know you are probably shocked by this! I know it’s not novel, but I’m tired a lot and I tend to think that is abnormal. I think that that is a sign that I wasn’t cut out for the work around me or that I’m not honoring God. My tiredness reveals hard work and a divine dependence. I can keep going because it is God who works through me. I want to be tired and inadequate in and of myself for the job so that God’s greatness can be put on display.
2. Leaders are optimistic. This is an area where I have been lacking. Part of it may be because I thought the work wasn’t supposed to be tiring and it is. I think part of it is a striving without recognizing God’s sovereignty. His work will prevail it just might not be in my time. I see things going wrong and get pessimistic. God is sovereign and He is at work. The outcome is secure.
‘He will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth’ (Isaiah 42:4). Pessimism and leadership are at opposite ends of life’s attitudes. Hope and optimism are essential qualities for the servant of God who battles with the powers of darkness over the souls of men and women. God’s ideal Servant is optimistic until every part of God’s work is done.
3.Leaders are called. I tend to get into positions and freak out part way in. I think, “Why am I here? They made a mistake. I’m not like the others around me.” Sanders writes:
‘God has prepared those places for the one he has chosen.’ Effective spiritual leadership does not come as a result of theological training or seminary degree, as important as education is. Jesus told His disciple, ‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you’ (John 15:16). The sovereign selection of God gives great confidence to Christian workers. We can truly say, “I am here neither by selection of an individual nor election of a group but by the almighty appointment of God. (23).
4. God doesn’t focus on leadership as much as on servanthood. They work together, but God doesn’t say “Moses, My People’s Leader,” He says, “Moses, My Servant” (21).
5. Leaders allow others to serve because they “recognize the value” of service. A dear friend who is also reading the book couldn’t wait for me to get to page 55. We had talked about this some and she was excited we were both reading this. I’m excited to see her love, leadership, and boldness in Christ. I love that I work in a place where a student loves me enough to say to me, “Tell me when you get to page 55,” and then to talk about it with me. Here is what Saunders had to say on page 55:
There is another element in discipline that receives too little attention. We must be willing to receive from others as well as give to others. Some sacrificial souls delight in sacrificing themselves, but refuse reciprocal gestures. They do not want to feel obligated to those they are serving. But real leadership recognizes the value of the gestures of others. To neglect receiving kindness and help is to isolate oneself, to rob others of opportunity and to deprive oneself of sustenance. Our example in this is the ultimate Servant Jesus, who came to serve but graciously accepted the service of others – people like His hosts Mary and Martha, the use of the colt He rode into Jerusalem, and others. Bishop Westcott admitted a the end of his life to one great mistake. He had always helped others, but just as rigorously he had resisted others serving him. As a result, his life had an empty spot where sweet friendship and human care might have been.
Watch out for spell check on the iPhone. Sweazy, the dorm I lived in during my college years, becomes sleazy or sweaty and woohoo become spooning. Yikes! That could put you in some awkward situations depending on who you are texting. Just saying: the need for learning grammar, to spell, and most of all to proofread has not been brought to an end by technology :).
Filed under: Christian Living, Community, Cool Finds, Discipleship, Family, Friends, Good Advice, Gospel, Hospitality, Life, role models, These are a few of my favorite things...
God is faithful! That’s the message I came away with after spending an hour or two with my grandmother’s friends, Joan and Ted. That is the summary of their life stories.
How did they meet? God worked it out. Ted had wanted to be married for a long time. He would pray for a wife but he didn’t really have a social group with women in it. He cared for his mother until she died and worked at the post office. He met Joan by going on a few dates with her sister :). He got along with her sister, but they didn’t fit. Then he met Joan! He was 54 when they married and she was in her 40s. That was 32 years ago. Neither had been married before. “We’ve made up for it since,” he told me.
How did Ted end up working at the post office? He would have been happy doing anything. His father didn’t like working in a factory, but Ted wouldn’t have minded, but His cousin heard of a job opening at the post office. Two weeks later he was working there in a job he loved. He continued to work in the same place until he retired. They’ve now been retired for around 25 years. They said they have been enjoying life ever since. I tried to correct them and say “But you’ve spent your retirement serving too.” They corrected me by saying, “That’s a large part of enjoying retirement!”
They also talked about how they ended up getting into my grandmother’s retirement home. They never could have imagined being able to afford living there, but a realtor put the idea into their heads as they sold one house and bought another. They got on a wait list as they fixed up their house. When the retirement home called them one August saying they had an apartment available, they declined it. The home called again on Labor Day and Ted said yes. Their house went on the market September 11, 2001. Joan asked Ted, “Do you still think this is a good idea?” He said yes. Their house sold in 2 days to a descendant of the man who built the house. It sold for more than they asked and was paid for in cash. They doubled their money and moved into the village before the housing market crashed.
Joan and Ted spoke on how they couldn’t have imagined or planned a better fit than what God had in store at the retirement home. It combines their “love for old people, music, and service.” Joan is a part of the choral group there and she plays the piano for several chapel services. Ted is the resident helper/fix-it man. They take people to appointments and to the grocery store. My grandma even has them book her doctors appointments to make sure they are free. If the doctor calls her about an appointment, she has them call Joan. They help the different chaplains, including my grandfather, and the different residents over the years.
They talked about my grandma as a favorite of theirs. They told me that different residents respond differently to pain and old age. Many are crotchety, but it doesn’t matter how much pain my grandmother is in she doesn’t respond grumpily. They said that they will be in the E.R with her because she is doing poorly and even then they can laugh together at something that happens. What a sign of the Spirit at work! They talked bout what a joy it is to serve here. They aren’t just serving her though, they are serving all of us who love my grandmother and can’t be there. It’s nice to know someone is watching out for her and is available if she needs. We’ve adopted them. They are such an example of a life of service lived for God. They may not have children, but their lives as a faithful man and a faithful woman have led to many spiritual children. May I live a life worthy of the call of my Savior as they have.
Maybe I’m all sentimental because I spent the weekend with a number of people I hadn’t seen in 5-15 years. More on my weekend soon, but in the meantime enjoy this adorable commercial.
Filed under: Christian Living, Counseling, current issues, Good Advice, Gospel, Lessons Learned, Lessons Learned from Reading, Life, My life, These are a few of my favorite things...
There is no such thing as false guilt. We are all guilty. The Scriptural idea of guilt is the actual state a sinner is in as the guilty party. My feeling of guilt, however, may or may not correspond to my actual guilt. My problem was I had set up my own kingdom with my own laws and when I failed to keep them I felt the need to pay or blame. Jesus didn’t die to make me sovereign, for me to be perfect at everything I do or for me to be praised by others. He didn’t die so that my will might be done, so I didn’t run to the cross when I came up short, but the cross is where I needed to turn.
Piper speaks of this sense of guilt or shame and of the true guilt behind it:
We are so focused on the sense of guilt that comes from failing in front of other people’s eyes, that we fail to recognize our true guilt of being “self-centered” rather than “God-centered” (134).
Another author speaks of what sin truly needs to be repented of in this case:
Setting up one’s own standard is not only pride that needs to be confessed and repented of, but it is god-playing the “essence of sin” (Freedom from Guilt, 15).
This world isn’t meant to be perfect. I’m not the one who is supposed to be in control. I sought to be perfect, almighty, provider, with infinite resources and all wisdom. This is God’s role. He is the one that should get the glory and will get the glory and that might happen through my failure rather than through my accomplishments (Psalm 76:10; Acts 4:27-28; II Cor. 3:4-5; 4:7)” (Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety 98). God never promised I would be perfect, but He has promised to work everything, even my failures, for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29; Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety, 98). I wasn’t meant to be perfect apart from Christ (I Cor. 2:6; Phil 3:15; Col 2:10). I needed to repent of perfectionism that sought a coup d’état and when I did that I took my place as a loyal subject who is living for the Sovereign’s kingdom purposes.
His opinion and his standards are really what matter and those have been met in Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. If I seek my own kingdom or my own righteousness, I will come up short, experience guilt, and payment will be required. This will affect all of my relationships as I will seek to punish those who frustrate my plans. When my kingdom fails with no one to blame but myself, I might then try to punish myself or to run to escape the guilt. Everyone has an ingrained understanding that they are guilty of a penalty because of sin, “consequently, some people nurse their regrets and cling to their grief… to punish themselves. Unconsciously they want to pay for their sins” (Here’s How You Can Handle Guilt, 9). The other option, would be to turn to the Savior who already paid the penalty for sins.
It seems at first that one who has set up their own standards could not turn to the savior because he didn’t die for their standards and their kingdom, but all are truly guilty before God. The fact that Christ did not die for my kingdom and yet I was setting up my own kingdom was exactly
what I was guilty of and what I needed to repent of. Satan would love to tempt me to be so focused on feelings of guilt from violating my own law that I don’t look to Christ to forgive my pride, arrogance, and my self-sufficiency. He would like me to continue to contemplate my own lack of perfection, instead of turning to Christ’s perfection being imputed to me. He would like me to continue to strive for self-sufficiency instead of seeing the sufficient completed work of Christ who rose again and is seated in the throne room of God. He would like me to continue to strive to “serve” people in a way that brings glory to me and shows me to be the provider instead of a way that is dependent and points to Christ.
Once I recognized my idolatry, my pride, my arrogance of setting up my kingdom against God’s, I realized that was what I needed to take to the cross. Jesus died to pay for that. He died so I didn’t have to live that kind of a futile life. He died so that I might stand complete in Him. He died so that I could make much of Him and not of me. This was liberating. My sin and pride, my laws and rules, had kept me from turning to Christ, but that is exactly where I needed to turn. Not to confess my failure to keep the refrigerator well stocked or to keep every machine in the office running but to confess my self-sufficiency, my independence, my pride, my glory-seeking, and my people pleasing. When I turned to the cross, I tasted of the truth of Jesus’ words, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Teaching to Learn and Learning to Teach 